Dealing with Grief

Last year my mother passed away at 84 years. She was ready to go and had lived a full life. Knowing this however, did nothing to lessen my grief. My father died 31 years previously, when I was 23. It was a dark time for me and it took me many years to come to terms with his absence, but losing my mother has been so much more profound. She had been my enduring foundation stone. She was in me so deeply I couldn’t fathom her nonexistence. She lived in my actions, my words and my experiences.

I moved from being a daughter to being an elder within my family. I knew it had to happen, but I didn’t like it. It changed everything and I was comfortable with the way it was. I miss her terribly and while the pain of my loss is not so immediate, grief still appears in waves, unbidden and is just as achingly painful as in the first few days. I recently came across the following poem which has been of great help to me. It has helped me to understand the nature of grief and to be OK with the range of emotions I continue to experience.

Grief

By Gwen Flowers

I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was a sad time

That followed the death of someone you love.

And you had to push through it

To get to the other side.

But I’m learning there is no other side.

There is no pushing through.

But rather,

There is absorption.

Adjustment.

Acceptance.

And grief is not something you complete

But rather, you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

And move on,

But an element of yourself-

An alteration of your being.

A new way of seeing.

A new definition of self.